The Forum of Benfleet Running Club

Pat M · Joined: 10 May 2006 Posts: 215 Location: Canvey Island

An African gold miner looses a leg in an accident. He says to his mate, 'i'm screwed now, who's gonna want a one legged gold digger?'
His mate replies, 'try Paul McCartney.'

icon_biggrin.gif" alt="Very Happy" border="0" />

Pat M · Joined: 10 May 2006 Posts: 215 Location: Canvey Island

A man walks into a pub and sees another man at the bar with his dog lying at his feet. The dog has its head bent right round and is licking its privates. He walks up to the guy at the bar and says. 'Cor, i wish i could do that.'
The dog owner looks at him and says. 'Give him a biscuit and he might let you!' Shocked

Karl C · Joined: 11 May 2006 Posts: 1679 Location: Rayleigh

So this guy was getting married and the women he was marrying had a hot sister who would always be wearing short skirts and thongs and would always bend down infront of him to pick up things that she "dropped".

so one time she said "hey no one is home lets go upstairs and do it." she went upstairs and threw her thong back down to him and said "if your not up here in 5 min u just passed up the best chance u will ever get at doing it." so the guy walked out side and was hugged by his future father-in-law who said "you passed! welcome to the family!"

morale:always leave your condoms in your car

Karl C · Joined: 11 May 2006 Posts: 1679 Location: Rayleigh

TICKET TO PARIS £ 400

TICKET FOR THE GAME £ 90

FACE PAINT AND JESTERS HAT £ 10

SEEING HENRY CHOKE BIG STYLE,
BLAME EVERYONE BUT HIMSELF,
AND THEN F@!K OFF TO PLAY FOR THE WINNERS….

ABSOLUTELY PRICELESS !!

Graham · Joined: 11 May 2006 Posts: 239

Why did the baker have brown hands....because he kneaded a poo.

Steffan · Joined: 10 May 2006 Posts: 543 Location: Basildon

A prawn went to a nightclub..........

And pulled...........

a MUSSELL!

Simon C · Joined: 11 May 2006 Posts: 35 Location: Benfleet

Little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much.

My farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting because they don't smell and are silent."

The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week."

The next week the lady comes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts... although still silent... stink terribly."

The doctor says, "Good!!! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing.

Simon C · Joined: 11 May 2006 Posts: 35 Location: Benfleet

A Jelly bean walks into a bar and starts talking to a Smartie. After a few
beers the Smartie says "Ere, do you fancy going to that new club in town?"
The Jelly Bean says "No mate, I'm a soft centre, I always end up getting my
head kicked in."
So Smartie says "Don't worry about it, I'm a bit of a hard case, I'll look
after you."
So Jelly Bean says, "Fair enough, as long as you'll look after me", and off
they went.
After a few more beers in the club, three Lockets walk in. As soon as he
sees them, Smartie hides under the table, the Lockets take one look at Jelly
Bean and starts kicking him, punching him and generally having a laugh.
After a while they get bored and walk out.
Jelly Bean pulls his battered Jelly Bean body over to the table and wipes
his Jelly Bean blood up and turns to Smartie and says "I thought you were
going to look after me."
"I was!" says Smartie, "But those Lockets are bl00dy menthol"

Pat M · Joined: 10 May 2006 Posts: 215 Location: Canvey Island

A woman with no dates and not getting any sex decided to go to a sex therapist to seek some help. On entering his office Dr Chung takes one look at her and shouts. 'Quickly, take off all your clothes, get on your hands and knees and crawl across the room.' The woman obliges and the doctor says. 'I know your problem. You have Ed Zachary desease. Vaywe, Vaywe bad case too!'. The woman askes what is Ed Zachary desease. Dr Chung replies. 'Your head looks Ed Zachary like your a**e!'

Simon C · Joined: 11 May 2006 Posts: 35 Location: Benfleet

The Dean of Women at an exclusive girls' school was lecturing her students on sexual morality.
'We live today in very difficult times for young people. In moments of temptation,' she said,
'ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?'

A young woman rose in the back of the room and said, 'Excuse me, but how do you make it last an hour?'

Simon C · Joined: 11 May 2006 Posts: 35 Location: Benfleet

Four brothers Milton, Marvin, Mervyn, and Melvin left home for university, and they all went on to became successful doctors and lawyers, and prospered.

Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who lived far away in another city.

The first said, "I had a big house built for Mama."

The second said, "I had a hundred thousand dollar home theatre built in the house."

The third said, "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her."

The fourth said, "You know how Mama loved reading the Bible, and you know she can't read anymore because she can't see very well. I met this preacher who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took twenty preachers 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years to the church, but it was worth it. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it!"

After the holidays Mom sent out her 'Thank You' notes. She wrote:
"Milton, the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway."

"Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home; I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks."

"Mervyn, you gave me an expensive theatre with Dolby sound, it could hold
50 people, but all my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same."

"Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift.
The chicken was delicious. Thank you."

Pat M · Joined: 10 May 2006 Posts: 215 Location: Canvey Island

A man in a bar sees a gorgous bird. He watches her from his table next to his. Suddenly she looks up and the surprise of seeing him staring causes her glass eye to pop out and it shoots right at him. His hand automatically snatches it out of the air and he hands it back.
She can't thank him enough and he joins her as she cleans her eye on a napkin and pops it back in. Well they get on tremendously and they chat and joke and laugh. A little later he askes her. 'Do you click like this with every guy you meet?'........... 'No,' she says, 'you just caught my eye.'

Kirstefitbird · Joined: 25 Jul 2006 Posts: 14

2 bags of sick are walking down the road.

1 bag looks down an alley way and starts crying...

"What's wrong?" asked the first bag....

The second bag sniffles......

"That's where I was brought up"

Pat M · Joined: 10 May 2006 Posts: 215 Location: Canvey Island

Kirste, that jokes sick.

Simon C · Joined: 11 May 2006 Posts: 35 Location: Benfleet

A woman in her fifties is at home happily jumping unclothed, on her bed and squealing with delight.

Her husband watches her for a while and asks, "Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What's the matter with you?"

The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, "I don't care what you think.......I just came from having a mammogram, and the doctor says that not only am I healthy, but I have the breasts of an 18 year-old."

The husband replies, "What did he say about your 55-year old arse?"

Your name never came up," she replied

Simon C · Joined: 11 May 2006 Posts: 35 Location: Benfleet

FEMALE COMPASSION...

A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach . He had no arms and no legs. Three women were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.

The first woman said "Have you ever had a hug?" The man said "No," so she gave him a hug and walked on.

The second woman said "Have you ever had a kiss?" The man said "No," so she gave him a kiss and walked on.

The third woman walked over to him and whispered in his ear "Have you ever been f****d?" The fellow looked up in amazement and said "No"

She said "You will be when the tide comes in".

Pat M · Joined: 10 May 2006 Posts: 215 Location: Canvey Island

After his break up with Heather, Paul MaCartney was asked if he'd ever consider going down on one knee again? Paul replied he would rather we called her Heather. lol.

Pat M · Joined: 10 May 2006 Posts: 215 Location: Canvey Island

A vampire bat returns to its cave with blood dripping from it's lips and smeared over it's face. It goes off to sleep but the others smell the blood and demand to know where he got it. He shrugs them off but they persist and won't let him sleep so he says, 'okay, follow me.'
He takes them down the hillside across the river and into a dark forest. 'See that tree over there?' he says. 'Yes!' they all reply excitedly. 'Well i frigging didn't!' he says. lol.

Terry T · Joined: 11 May 2006 Posts: 33 Location: Hockley

A set of jump-leads walks into a bar.The barman says"I'll serve you-but don't start anything!"

Pat M · Joined: 10 May 2006 Posts: 215 Location: Canvey Island

Terry, you're only supposed to post jokes here. lol.

Karl C · Joined: 11 May 2006 Posts: 1679 Location: Rayleigh

Prime Minister Tony Blair was visiting a primary school and he visited
one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked the Prime Minister if he would like to lead the discussion on the word "tragedy". So the illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a "tragedy".

One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a
farm, is playing in the field & a tractor runs over him and kills him,
that would be a 'tragedy'"

"No," said Blair, "that would be an accident."

A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying fifty children
drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy."

"I'm afraid not," explained the Prime Minister "That's what we would
call a great loss."

The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Tony searched the
room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of tragedy?"

Finally, at the back of the room, a small boy raised his hand...In a
quiet voice he said: "If the aeroplane carrying you and Mrs Blair was struck by a "friendly fire" missile & blown to smithereens that would be a
tragedy."

"Fantastic!" exclaimed Tony Blair. "That's right. And can you tell me
why that would be a tragedy?"

"Well," says the boy "It has to be a tragedy, because it certainly
wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be a fu**ing accident
either."

Stress Head · Joined: 08 Oct 2006 Posts: 55 Location: Benfleet

A male patient is lying in bed in hospital,wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose,still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure. A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask."Are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know,Sir.I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?" Concerned that he may eleviate his vitals from worry, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers.She raises his gown,holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around. Then,she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them,Sir!!"

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much.That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely..............

ARE-MY-TEST-RESULTS-BACK?"

mArKw · Joined: 15 May 2006 Posts: 255 Location: Benfleet

Two young ladies were walking home from work one Friday. As they passed a florist's shop, one turned to the other and said, "Don't look now, but isn't that your boyfriend in there?"
"Oh dear, yes it is," came the reply.
"What's wrong? Don't you like flowers?"
"Yes, I do, but I hadn't planned on spending the weekend with my legs in the air."
Her friend was rather puzzled by this. The two walked on in silence for a while until she said, "Don't you have a vase?"
_________________
The hills are alive........

Mike Mason · Joined: 02 Jun 2006 Posts: 948 Location: Hockley

New International Security Alert Levels

The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent bombings and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved."

Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even" A Bit Cross." Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain:
"Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance"
to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two
higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose.

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
_________________
'sometimes I am running so fast it appears that rocks and trees are standing still......' 'I may be slow, but you are ugly and I can train harder.' '90% is mental, the other half is physical'it's going to get a lot worse, before it gets worse'.

ZIZOU · Joined: 21 Aug 2006 Posts: 25

An English ventriloquist visiting Wales walks into a small village and sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog.

He figures he'll have a little fun, so he says to the Welshman "
"Hello, do you mind if I talk to your dog?"

Welsh villager: "The dog doesn't talk, you stupid English ****."

Ventriloquist: "Hello dog, how's it going?"

Dog: "Doin' all right."

Welsh villager: (look of extreme shock)

Ventriloquist: "Is this villager your owner?" (pointing at the villager)

Dog: "Yep"

Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"

Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and
takes me to the lake once a week to play."

Welsh villager: (look of utter disbelief)

Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"

Welsh villager: "Uh, the horse doesn't talk either....I think."

Ventriloquist: "Hey horse, how's it going?"

Horse: "Cool"

Welsh villager: (absolutely dumbfounded)

Ventriloquist: "Is this your owner?" (pointing at the villager)

Horse: "Yep"

Ventriloquist: How does he treat you?

Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements."

Welsh villager: (total look of amazement)

Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"

Welsh villager (in a panic) "The sheep's a liar."

Mike Mason · Joined: 02 Jun 2006 Posts: 948 Location: Hockley

A man boarded an aircraft at Heathrow and took his seat. As he settled in, he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. He realised she was heading straight towards his seat and bingo! She took the seat right beside him; Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out,"Business trip or Holiday?"

She turned, smiled enchantingly and said "Business. I'm going to the annual nymphomaniac convention in the United States".

He swallowed hard....here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs! Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer", she responded. "I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality"

"Really", he smiled, "what myths are those?"

"Well",she explained, "one popular myth is that men of African descent are the most well endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Greek descent.

We have also found that the best potential lovers in all categories are the Irish".

Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and quiet...."I'm sorry", she said, "I really shouldn't be discussing this with you, I don't even know your name".

"Tonto",the man said......"Tonto Papadopoulos, but my friends call me Paddy".
_________________
'sometimes I am running so fast it appears that rocks and trees are standing still......' 'I may be slow, but you are ugly and I can train harder.' '90% is mental, the other half is physical'it's going to get a lot worse, before it gets worse'.

Mike Mason · Joined: 02 Jun 2006 Posts: 948 Location: Hockley

A very loud, unattractive, hard-faced woman walks into Tesco
with her two kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the
way t hrough the entrance.

The door greeter says, "Good morning and welcome to Tesco,
nice children you've got there. Are they twins?"

The fat ugly woman stops screaming long enough to snarl:
"Of course they bloody aren't! The oldest, he's nine and the
younger one, she's seven. Why the hell would you think
they're twins?.....
Do you really think they look alike, ya dickhead?"

"Absolutely not," replies the greeter, "I just can't believe
anyone would shag you twice!"
_________________
'sometimes I am running so fast it appears that rocks and trees are standing still......' 'I may be slow, but you are ugly and I can train harder.' '90% is mental, the other half is physical'it's going to get a lot worse, before it gets worse'.

Mike Mason · Joined: 02 Jun 2006 Posts: 948 Location: Hockley

In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their
>family member lay gravely ill.
>Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and sombre.
>"I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the
>worried faces.
>"The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain
>transplant.
>It's an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope.
>Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the
>brain yourselves."
>The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great
>length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?"
>The doctor quickly responded, "$5,000 for a female brain, and $200 for a
>male brain"
>The moment turned awkward. Women in the room tried not to smile,
>avoiding eye contact with the men, but some actually smirked.
>A woman unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question
>everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the female brain so much more?"
>The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire
>group, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the
>price of the male brains, because they've actually been used."
>
_________________
'sometimes I am running so fast it appears that rocks and trees are standing still......' 'I may be slow, but you are ugly and I can train harder.' '90% is mental, the other half is physical'it's going to get a lot worse, before it gets worse'.

Steffan · Joined: 10 May 2006 Posts: 543 Location: Basildon

President Bush is rehearsing his speech for the 2008 Beijing Olympic games...........
He begins with "oooh, oooh, oooh, oooh, oooh!"
Immediately his speech writer rushes over to the lectern and whispers in the presidents ear...........

"Mr. President, those are the Olympic rings, your speech is underneath"

Mike Mason · Joined: 02 Jun 2006 Posts: 948 Location: Hockley

old but gold:

I'm feeling a bit lonely at the moment and so I decided life would be
>>more fun if I had a pet. So, I went to the pet shop and told the owner
>>that I wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, I finally
>>bought a Centipede which came in a little white box to use for his
>>house.
>>
>>I took the box back home, found a good location for it, and decided I
>>would start off by taking my new pet to the pub to have a drink. So, I
>>asked the centipede in the box,
>> "Would you like to go down the Queen's Head with me and have a beer?"
>>
>>But there was no answer. This bothered me a bit, but I waited a few
>>minutes and then asked him again, "How about going to the pub for a
>>drink?"
>>
>>But again, there was no answer from my new friend and pet. So, I
>>waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation I decided to
>>ask him one more time; this time putting my face up against the
>>centipede's house and shouting, "Hey, in there!
>>Would you like to go to The Queen's Head and have a drink with me?"
>>
>>A little voice came out of the
>>box:...........................................
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> wait for it...its worth it!!!! >
>>*
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> "I heard you the first time! I'm putting my F***ing shoes on.
_________________
'sometimes I am running so fast it appears that rocks and trees are standing still......' 'I may be slow, but you are ugly and I can train harder.' '90% is mental, the other half is physical'it's going to get a lot worse, before it gets worse'.

Mike Mason · Joined: 02 Jun 2006 Posts: 948 Location: Hockley

Paddy and Mick are walking down a street in London. Paddy happens look in one of the shop windows and sees a sign that catches his eye.

The sign said "Suits £5.00 each, Shirts £2.00 each, Trousers £2.50 per pair"
Paddy says to his pal, "Mick, look! We could buy a whole lot of dose, and when we get back to Ireland , we could make a feckin' fortune.

Now when we go into the shop, you be quiet, okay? Just let me do all de talking. Cause if they hear our accent, they moight not be nice to us."

"I'll speak in my best English accent."
"Roight y'are, Paddy, I'll keep me mouth shut, so I will." says Mick.
They go in and Paddy says, "I'll take 50 suits at £5.00 each, 100 shirts at £2.00 each, and 50 pairs of trousers at £2.50 each. I'll back up me van and ..."

The owner of the shop interrupts, "You're from Ireland, aren't > you?"
"Well . . Yes," says a surprised Paddy. "How der hell d'y tell dat?"

WAIT FOR IT.......

The owner says, "This is a dry cleaners."
_________________
'sometimes I am running so fast it appears that rocks and trees are standing still......' 'I may be slow, but you are ugly and I can train harder.' '90% is mental, the other half is physical'it's going to get a lot worse, before it gets worse'.

Stress Head · Joined: 08 Oct 2006 Posts: 55 Location: Benfleet

Guys, as you may know, East London will be hosting the Olympic games in

>2012. What you may not know is that many of the famous events which go
>to make up this spectacular have been especially altered for East
London.
>A copy of these changes has been leaked and is reproduced below.
>
>OPENING CEREMONY
>The flame will be ignited by a petrol bomb thrown by a native of the
city.
>The flame will be contained in a large overturned police van situated
>on the roof of the stadium
>
>THE EVENTS
>In previous Olympic games, East London's competitors have not been
>particularly successful. In order to redress the balance, some of the
>events have been altered slightly to the advantage of local athletes.
>
>100 METRES SPRINT
>Competitors will have to hold a video recorder and microwave oven (one
>in each arm) and on the sound of the starting pistol, a police dog will

>be released from a cage 10 yards behind the athletes.
>
>110 METRES HURDLES
>As above but with added obstacles (I.e. car bonnets, hedges, garden
>fences,walls etc)
>
>HAMMER
>Competitors in this event may choose the type of hammer they wish to
>use (claw, sledge etc). The winner will be the one who can cause the
>most physical damage within three attempts.
>
>FENCING
>Entrants will be asked to dispose of as many stolen goods as possible
>in 5 minutes.
>
>SHOOTING
>A strong challenge is expected from local men in this event. The first
>target will be a moving police van. In the second round, competitors
>will aim at a post office clerk bank teller or securicor style wages
>delivery man. The traditional .22 rifle has been replaced in this event

>by a choice of either a Browning automatic handgun or Sawn-off 12-bore
shotgun.
>
>BOXING
>Entry to the boxing will be restricted to husband and wife teams, and
>will take place on a Friday night. The husband will be given 15 pints
>of lager while the wife will be told not to make him any tea when he
>gets home. The bout will then commence.
>
>CYCLING TIME TRIALS
>Competitors will be asked to break into the University bike shed and
>take an expensive mountain bike owned by some mummy's boy on his first
>trip away from home. All against the clock.
>
>CYCLING PURSUIT
>As above, but the bike will be owned by a visiting member of the Fiji
>rugby sevens team, who will witness the theft.
>
>MODERN PENTATHLON
>Amended to include mugging, breaking and entering, flashing, joyriding
>and arson.
>
>SWIMMING EVENTS
>All waterways are currently being tested for toxicity levels. Once one
>is found that can support human life, swimming events will be
organised.
>Please note that the Synchronised Swimming event for this year will
>comprise of dropping acid and watching all the funky ripples on the
>pool, the specific musical support to this event will be provided by
"The Verve".
>
>THE MARATHON
>A safe route has yet to be decided.
>
>MEN'S 50KM WALK
>Unfortunately this will have to be cancelled as the police cannot
>guarantee the safety of anyone walking the streets of Stratford,
>especially anyone that appears to be mincing...
>
>THE CLOSING CEREMONY
>Entertainment will include formation rave dancing by members of the
>Stratford Health in the Community anti-drug campaigners, synchronised
>rock throwing, and music by the Walthamstow community choir. The flame
>will be extinguished by police riot water cannon following inevitable
>pitch invasion by confused West Ham United organised hooliganism club.
>The stadium itself will then be boarded up before the local athletes
>break into it and remove all the copper piping and the central heating
>boiler. Late
>News: Apparently Liverpool were set to put in a bid very similar to the

>above but with the Pentathlon modified to include: killing a spouse,
>digging a hole, burying the body, laying a patio and the strangely
>named 'Calm Down' contest.
>
>To guarantee the entry of any athletes from the local area at all, drug

>testing has been waived this year.
>
>

Mike Mason · Joined: 02 Jun 2006 Posts: 948 Location: Hockley

West Ham TABLECLOTHS - Suitable for any occasion but tend to slip down
>the table after a short time - £4:99
>
>West Ham VIDEOS - All the highlights from the last 20 years action.
>This 10 min video, including lots of re-runs, is a perfect gift for any
>fan £9:99
>
>West Ham BANNERS - Come complete with interchangeable slogans Eg:-
>"Roeder OUT", "Redknapp OUT", "LET ME OUT" etc.. £15:00
>
>"OUR LITTLE HERO" KEYRINGS - Come complete with model of Billy Bonds
>(Our
>Hero) attached. - £0.50p each.
>
>West Ham JOKE BOOK - A MUST for all fans. This 900 page book is full of
>all the best jokes ever told about the club. - £25:00
>
>West Ham C0NDOMS - Come in sizes from "Little Hero" to "BIG Dowie".
>Ideal for the pricks in the Bobby Moore Stand. - £0:75p for li